Life lately

  • General

I miss blogging. And no, not the blogging that I do here now, but the online journaling of the early 2000’s–those long posts about our days written in LiveJournals or those self-hosted blogs on Greymatter (who remembers this?). I used to do it in a sort of ~cryptic fashion in my other personal blog before I published my first book, but to be honest, when I read them now, I could see how the blog posts were kind of…performative in some way. I mean, yes, those were the words from my heart and a slice of all my angst and learnings during those years, but also now I could see that I wrote them in a very similar way to the other blogs that I consumed at those times. Like, there should always be a Message to the post, a Realization about something in life, a Learning, a Point. And maybe, maybe, I kind of want some people to read that and maybe realize the things that I couldn’t tell to their faces.

I have no regrets on that phase of my life, but also I remember that I never really set out to that kind of blogger. When I first made a blog back then it was really just to write about my day–where I went, what activities I went to, my classes, and maybe a bit too much about my current crushes. Haha. And I miss that.

Of course, spilling your guts online for the whole world to see and for people to search decades later isn’t the wisest things now and that’s really the purpose of all the blank notebooks here at home, and talking to people about things. Or maybe I just miss this because I miss my friends, I miss having long conversations in person rather than on video calls or chats.

But like I said in my last post, I have kind of come to accept that a big part of this 2021 will probably be the same as last year–until a big chunk of the world gets vaccinated, anyway, but even then, who knows, right? So I’m keeping my expectations low but my hopes up. By this I mean, not to expect that all that I missed last year will come back quickly this year, but still hope that it will come back in some way, shape or form sometime. If within this year, then yay, but if not…well, it is what it is. I mean, Jesus did say, “Do not worry about tomorrow” so maybe that’s what I really need to do this year.

And with that, there is no real point here except that I just want to write something. Get some words out as a warm-up because it’s Monday and people are finally getting back into the groove of work and I actually need to be productive. And also maybe because I feel like rambling a little bit (you’ll see haha), so here we go:


Geekerella: A Fangirl Fairytale by Ashley Poston. Reading this mostly for research on a Thing but also I just wanted something light and fun. The last few months of 2020 were crappy for my reading and even now I still have a hard time focusing on any of the books in my Kindle–not even the latest book from one of my favorite authors from last year. 🙁 I am tracking all my 2021 reads in this Twitter thread, and I hope I can keep it updated this time. (Sidenote: I sort of kind of miss reviewing books on a book blog, haha, but my book blogger days are over now.)


I have several articles due for work this week, and also a short story that I hope to finish this week for an upcoming thing. Creative writing nowadays feels like pulling teeth. It’s been hard writing things, really, and sometime late last year, I started despairing over it, until friends reminded me that 1) we’re all on survival mode so obviously, our brain puts more of its power into surviving vs. creating, and 2) we’re all still grieving for the things that we lost/were taken way from us in 2020 that it’s just natural to not be able to write or create anything.

It sucks, but things have been looking up lately, so here’s hoping it all works out.

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You’ve worked hard

Happy New Year! I was trying to draft a blog post yesterday for a year-ender, but as with every day in 2020, words were difficult to come by. It’s kind of ironic because my word for 2020 was WORDS, and with the “extra” time I got from being on lockdown and working from home, I thought I’d be brimming with words and writing non-stop and finishing all the things I set out to do. However… *gestures wildly into the world and the chaos* But now we are in the new year, and while it is true that January 1 doesn’t magically… Read More »You’ve worked hard

Let’s Run Away (Faith x Nico)

During the watch party of Hello, Ever After episode 8, there was an ongoing chat at one part of the episode that eventually became a fic request. And because I was up for a challenge, and I need some writing exercises to get the creative juices flowing, I wrote it. The idea for the story came to me easily, but what made this extra challenging was setting it in 2020. We all kind of agreed that all of the stories we’re writing are set pre-pandemic, because how can one write a romance set in this strange year? But I tried,… Read More »Let’s Run Away (Faith x Nico)

Wordplay # 4: Band Agreement

I’ve mentioned several times that I love band books, books with musicians, or just people moving around the music circuit. I think it stems from my own frustration of not being a musical person? When people ask me if I sing because of my low/husky voice (haha), I say no because I really have a hard time carrying a tune unless I am in church, where people don’t care if you are not in tune unless you’re in the choir, or during karaoke sessions, when I’m singing with others and have a few shots of alcohol in my system. During… Read More »Wordplay # 4: Band Agreement

Hello, Ever After (or, that time when rage writing happened)

That night when Tara was ranting about Love Lockdown in our Twitter chat and she and Mina birthed the idea of Hello, Ever After, I didn’t think I’d be able to write anything. I haven’t finished anything in ages, just work articles here and there. Fiction has felt like pulling teeth in the past months, and not even the extra time I got back from my commute by being stuck at home made me write more. Blame it on the pandemic brain, maybe, because sometimes I would rather lie down and binge on Netflix or play games or scroll endlessly through social media… Read More »Hello, Ever After (or, that time when rage writing happened)